Working holidays is, for better or for worse, a fact of life for firefighters and first responders. It’s the nature of the beast – people are traveling and get into accidents, extreme weather adds all sorts of fire risks, and let’s not forget that people are their own fire hazard – whether it’s flammable decor or acting crazy at a holiday party – things happen. So – it’s the life of a firefighter – but that doesn’t mean you just get used to the stress. It’s hard on us and it’s hard on our families on a normal day, much less when we’re rearranging holiday plans yet again and our kids are asking us why we have to work another holiday. It takes a conscious effort to overcome those challenges – that said, here’s some common holiday difficulties and ideas on how to get through them:
The Kids Don’t Understand
Your kids, especially if they’re very young, probably have a lot of ideas about what the holidays should be from their friends and TV and movies, and may not understand why that’s not what the holidays look like for them. So what can you do?
- Make a plan – when there are as many moving pieces as there are with a fire family, things don’t just fall into place at the holidays – you have to have a game plan
- Do something extra special – let the kids know that you love them, you have to work this holiday, and that you’re going to celebrate with something special – even a favorite dessert, staying up late, or choosing a holiday movie can feel special
- Celebrate a day early – if you’re not too tied to the idea of it being a specific day, this can be a great option – if you’ve got kids that are worried about Santa not knowing to show up, you can have them write a letter to Santa explaining the situation, and then give them a copy of this free downloadable letter from Santa, rescheduling present delivery (if you’re too busy for letters, you can have them call “Santa” or say you had a chance to meet with him)
- If you’re really dedicated to your celebration happening ON the holiday, get up extra early and have your celebration before shift – even if that means you’re doing it at 3am – it can feel like something special, with an early fancy breakfast and hot chocolate – the kids can always nap later
- Get your extended family involved – keep the kids busy with other family celebrations during shift as a distraction till you get home
The Stress is Getting to You
- Create a list of what you’re thankful for – either by yourself or with your family – and make sure you let the people you’re thankful for know!
- Make a little time to chill – light some candles, snuggle up by a fire, grab a book and something hot to drink, anything that helps you hit pause, even if it’s just for 20 or 30 minutes
- Clear your mind – whether you meditate, pray, or something else – take some time without devices or driving or fidgeting to just breathe. If you’re having trouble setting aside that time or relaxing in your own skin, you may want to consider seeing a therapist, chaplain, religious leader, or doctor to help you find some peace
- Cancel it – if there’s an event or something coming up that isn’t necessary, but is causing you excessive stress – give yourself permission to cancel it. And if you can’t cancel, see if you can duck out early. It’s good to know your limits and put your health and well-being first
- Avoid the toxic people – if you have family members that make your life worse and more stressful, it’s okay to send them a card instead of seeing them, and if someone at work is driving you crazy, it’s okay to steer clear whenever possible
- Give yourself some grace – you might deal with more trauma in one shift than most people deal with all year – it’s okay to say you’re not going to get it all right all the time, and just make a deal with yourself to do the best you can
It’s Hard on Your Relationship
- Communicate and plan ahead as much as possible – talk about the things you’re expecting to cause stress, how you both prefer to be supported, and anything else you can foresee as something that may come up
- Decide what “holiday” means to you both – is it really about the date it happens on, or is it about having time to be with your family and celebrate? If you can pin down the important parts and be flexible about the details, it will make the season easier to manage.
- Make your own traditions – maybe something that would normally happen on Christmas Eve is now a “last night before shift” event. Maybe you create some special event earlier in the month or into January that’s just for your family to celebrate annually – whether it’s a special drive to see the lights, a fancy dinner at a restaurant, a visit to an annual community event (Craft Fairs, Dickensian Days, Food Truck Gatherings, or any variety of things, just as long as you make it special amongst yourselves!)
- Set an example in flexibility – the life of a firefighter is unpredictable – that’s just reality. If you set an example of being flexible, your kids will find it easier to follow suit. And if you’re disappointed or upset, THAT’S OKAY! Just pause those feelings until you can work through it with your partner without the kiddos around. Keeping things positive and helping them learn to be adaptable by talking through the scheduling issue with them and asking for their input can help them learn the skills they’ll need when plans are disrupted in the future too.
We hope you are able to make the most of this holiday season, fill it with love and family, and try to keep the focus on the memories you’d like to create during this season of your life!
